This pretty much sums up my life right now.
Time and effort is all it will take. I WILL do it.
I wasn’t going to say anything on here but after thinking about it for a week I figure..why not just say it? Why is it so hard?This is why I have a blog after all. I’ve only told two people in real life, my husband and a friend the day it happened. Even saying it to my friend was hard.
I have officially lost 40kg’s (88lbs). In fact I’m closer to 41kgs lost than 40 now, so watch this space. The journey is far from over.
It’s hard to believe really. I’ve pretty much lost a Kourtney Kardashian or a Mila Kunis (apparently they weigh 43kg’s):
The thing is, even though to say it out loud sounds kind of impressive, in real life I’ve been struggling to see the difference. Like really struggling. Don’t get me wrong, there are moments I’ll walk past something and see my reflection and catch myself off guard and think “What in the hell? Is that me? Where’s the rest of me? What happened to the massive roll there that was there?” It’s just hard to get my brain caught up with reality. I’m my own biggest critic.
After talking with my husband about it last night he said something that made a lot of sense to me. I don’t care about the number because it’s not what motivates me. I’ve spent the last year working my butt off and not focusing on a relationship with my scales so I’ve learned to love other results instead. I need to physically see change happening and when I look front on, it’s hard for me to see that. From that conversation came these photos:
Please don’t judge me by my excess fat, loose skin and full belly. Despite all those things (which I’m working on) I’m proud because look closely…
Those shadowy dents you see there? That is muscle. It bulges and it’s solid. You can’t see it too well in the photos but through touch the most obvious muscle is my triceps. It feels like a thick line running through my arm when I run my hand over it. I have never had this before but I love it.
This photo below is my favourite photo to date of a woman with trapezius muscles. In fact I have this labelled in my folder as ‘Traps for days’. Jessica Biel in general has amazing definition.
I know, I know, I’m probably going to have a lot of people with words like butch, manly, too much, eww, gross etc but this is the direction I’m choosing to go and I’ve never felt more feminine.
These photos my husband took for me to look at make me a hundred times happier than any number the scale doesn’t say anymore. These photos show how much effort I put in on any given day to make a positive change in my life. Thank you Andrew for helping me wrap my head around how I want to measure my progress.
I’m building a good foundation and I’ve got some very clear set goals – and so far since making them, I have been kicking their butt. I’m on track!
I don’t know what my body will look like by the time I’m done, I have a vision that I hope to make a reality but I’ve never been the athletic type so this will be completely new to me. I don’t know what to expect. What I do know is that the end result will represent the hard work, dedication and perseverance I am putting in to achieve it. Stretch marks, saggy skin and all, I love and appreciate my body.
