Creating My Reality » Work It

Perseverance

Chavah Kinloch — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 21:29:54 +0000

This pretty much sums up my life right now.

Time and effort is all it will take. I WILL do it.

I wasn’t going to say anything on here but after thinking about it for a week I figure..why not just say it? Why is it so hard?This is why I have a blog after all. I’ve only told two people in real life, my husband and a friend the day it happened. Even saying it to my friend was hard.

I have officially lost 40kg’s (88lbs). In fact I’m closer to 41kgs lost than 40 now, so watch this space. The journey is far from over.

It’s hard to believe really. I’ve pretty much lost a Kourtney Kardashian or a Mila Kunis (apparently they weigh 43kg’s):

The thing is, even though to say it out loud sounds kind of impressive, in real life I’ve been struggling to see the difference. Like really struggling. Don’t get me wrong, there are moments I’ll walk past something and see my reflection and catch myself off guard and think “What in the hell? Is that me? Where’s the rest of me? What happened to the massive roll there that was there?” It’s just hard to get my brain caught up with reality. I’m my own biggest critic.

After talking with my husband about it last night he said something that made a lot of sense to me. I don’t care about the number because it’s not what motivates me. I’ve spent the last year working my butt off and not focusing on a relationship with my scales so I’ve learned to love other results instead. I need to physically see change happening and when I look front on, it’s hard for me to see that. From that conversation came these photos:

Please don’t judge me by my excess fat, loose skin and full belly. Despite all those things (which I’m working on) I’m proud because look closely…

Those shadowy dents you see there? That is muscle. It bulges and it’s solid. You can’t see it too well in the photos but through touch the most obvious muscle is my triceps. It feels like a thick line running through my arm when I run my hand over it. I have never had this before but I love it.

This photo below is my favourite photo to date of a woman with trapezius muscles. In fact I have this labelled in my folder as ‘Traps for days’. Jessica Biel in general has amazing definition.

I know, I know, I’m probably going to have a lot of people with words like butch, manly, too much, eww, gross etc but this is the direction I’m choosing to go and I’ve never felt more feminine.

These photos my husband took for me to look at make me a hundred times happier than any number the scale doesn’t say anymore. These photos show how much effort I put in on any given day to make a positive change in my life. Thank you Andrew for helping me wrap my head around how I want to measure my progress.

I’m building a good foundation and I’ve got some very clear set goals – and so far since making them, I have been kicking their butt. I’m on track!

I don’t know what my body will look like by the time I’m done, I have a vision that I hope to make a reality but I’ve never been the athletic type so this will be completely new to me. I don’t know what to expect. What I do know is that the end result will represent the hard work, dedication and perseverance I am putting in to achieve it. Stretch marks, saggy skin and all, I love and appreciate my body.

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Keeping it Fresh – Will Smith is My First Love

Chavah Kinloch — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 02:19:52 +0000

I cannot wait to get out of the house this evening to plug in my earphones and work it out. My gosh I need it today! It makes me feel like this:

Shout out to the tumblr who originally put all of these dance moves into one post. By far one of the best things on the internet.

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Oh Yah Know… Just Me and My New Belt

Chavah Kinloch — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 10:18:07 +0000

I got it today guys!! And I couldn’t be happier I think the last time I got given a certificate for anything I was in primary school. He called me up, gave me a proud smile and “Osu!” and said “It’s about time you got your belt.”. As much as I think my sensei is evil because he takes great pleasure in watching us go through pain, he’s really an awesome guy and knows how to make you feel good about yourself, so it kind of balances out.

Apparently I have great technique, which is good to know because I’d need to be pretty damn precise with my hits and kicks if I were to last in any sort of a fight coz I’m still so freakin unfit. I better pray I can get someone down on that mat quick fast lol. But hey, moral of the story is I did it!

If you read the last post, you’ll remember I mentioned that I had to go to the advanced class to get my grubby little hands on this bad boy. So to answer your question, yes I did go. How did it go? Well, I survived… and my lungs have only just stopped burning. I have no idea how I’m meant to mentally psych myself into attending 90 minutes of torture, I mean training sessions twice a week. I heard one of the girls from my beginners class saying that she thought she might die too, before class started, and I burst out with “Oh thank God, you too!” because I have to say, I thought that might just be a fat girl thing lol.

I’m at the dojo 3 other days a week taking my son to his karate training and I’m around the corner at the gym 6 days a week… well it’ll only be 4 now that kickboxing is taking over. If this weight doesn’t fall off as the next year goes by I have gone terribly wrong somewhere. Sensei told me and the other newbies to give it a year or two before classes didn’t feel like torture...and then he laughed at us. Cheers buddy. I about died right there on the spot. I honestly felt like crawling up in a ball and rocking back and forth. Give me strength!

Oh and just for comparison because it’s been a while:

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Overcoming Fear

Chavah Kinloch — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 08:17:02 +0000

One of the greatest lessons I’m learning this year has to do with the issue of fear. I don’t recall myself being the overly fearful type, as a child I was quiet, some would say shy… for a little while anyway until I was comfortable; a trait that has followed me through to adulthood but I was never really afraid to do things that sounded fun. Heck, I was the first kid at camp to flip myself upside down, let go of the rope and go abseiling down the side of a wall. I’ve always really enjoyed doing things a little out of my comfort zone!

Skip forward to a year ago and one of the things I’d noticed about myself was that because I was still suffering repercussions from the injury I sustained during Boston’s birth, that for the better part of a year I’d been barely able to leave the house. I confessed to my husband that even the thought of going out to get the groceries was getting scary and that I didn’t like where that was leading me mentally. The first step for me was to focus on my 21 days…which I am SO glad I did because that one little decision to get through those 21 days changed my life entirely. As with anything though, the more you do something, the easier it gets and my beloved gym just wasn’t cutting it anymore.

What I haven’t told many people (a few here and there will have picked up on it) is that I signed up to do the beginners kickboxing course with Toa Fighting Systems. You have to do the course to be inducted into their advanced classes that run the rest of the time. Today, I passed grading! Which basically means I get a certificate to say I can do some moves, earn a red belt and become a member of Toa Fighting Systems and WAKO (NZ).

Now this probably means absolutely nothing to 99% of you out there reading this but this means so much to me. Kickboxing is something I’ve been fascinated with for as long as I can remember. It probably comes from my lifelong obsession with kung fu movies and martial arts. Also, while other kids were playing with their barbies and eating fairy bread, my grandfather was lecturing me on how to throw a punch which then led to buying a boxing bag for my brother and I to ‘play’ on which then led to bruised knuckles and popped blood vessels. So yes, learning how to fight properly has been something I have wanted to do for as long as I can remember.

The class was huge at the beginning of the course but today there was just those of us who had realised that showing up for these classes meant you were throwing out all excuses to give up and were prepared for the brutal – and I don’t mean brutal in the ‘oh this is hard’ sense, I mean it in the OH MY F**KING G*D WTF I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS/ARMS/SHOULDERS/LUNGS, AM I DYING?! – sense (my body is still shaking 4 hours later).

Taking this course, for me, meant freedom. Freedom from my self imposed ‘worthless me’ beliefs. Freedom from ‘what if’. Freedom from feeling trapped in my mind, in my body and in my home.

I did it.

I believed I could and I did.

I cried almost every week for three months – and you all know I’m not a crier.

But I did it.

I overcame my fear of not being good enough.

Now I have to attend next weeks advanced class to receive my belt… I see what he’s doing there. Nice way to push me to get over my new fear sensei.

Advanced class here I come.

Not bad for a girl who wasn’t even allowed to walk her kids to school a year ago because it was too much, huh?

And because every post needs a photo and I don’t have my hands on my first belt yet, here’s one I took from the Toa website. Blue trunks is my sensei. Osu!

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Doin’ It, Doin’ It and Doin It Well

Chavah Kinloch — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 23:14:11 +0000

I know I’ve been a bit quiet on this healthy me tip – well, on my blog at least. Some may have taken that to mean that I’ve fallen off the wagon. The truth is I’m still going strong and I am literally stronger than ever. To make this quick, here are some mentionables:

Two nights ago I was chatting with the woman who came over from Australia to take over launching my gym here in Invercargill. While we were chatting not only did she ask me to tell her about a couple of the exercises I was doing and which muscle groups they target, she also said that she had to ask how much weight I had lost because in the couple of weeks (3 or 4?) since I’d joined this new gym I’d changed a lot. She went on to say that in the three months she’s been here she hadn’t seen anyone else change so much.

So drum roll please…would you know how much weight I lost?

None. Zilch, zip, zero. Ok, well maybe not zilch but not even a kilo so I didn’t really have much to say about anything. I don’t care though, pretty sure what’s happening is I’m replacing fat with muscle which is more than welcome and I’m quite proud because look at what has happened:

I wore this outfit. Size 14! Sure still fat for a lot of people but for me that’s a 7 size drop. Big ups to my daughter for pointing out the labels read a size smaller than I thought they were. Bonus! To be clear I am not size 14, I just happened to be able to fit some clothes from 10 years ago that are. Gives me hope.

I grew a lot of muscle. A lot. My legs and right behind my shoulders also look like this but I figure this is more than enough of my freakishly stretched body for you to look at. This was taken while I was getting dressed one morning and I was like WTF is that? Is that my arm? Whoa! Fat chick with muscles, awesome. What I really like is that in that first photo up there ^^^ you can actually see the shape of them through the sleeves of my top. Nice going there thanks workouts, you’re doing me proud.

Now for a second I wasn’t too sure what to think about my husband. He said to me the other day that he was a little bit worried because apparently my butt turned flat a couple of weeks back (umm gee thanks hun lol) but that within a week he saw it return and this time it was even better. (All is forgiven right?) My miracle worker?

This:

All that weight adds up to 130kg and that is what I am now pressing. It’s likely I can do more but seeing as I have no spotter I’m playing it safe; for now. Oh and also squats, lunges, more squats, kicks, more lunges, skipping, dead leg lifts, good mornings, walking, some more squats, running, did I mention lunges? And dancing, they help too..*arrrgh*

I do wish my body was smaller already, I work out 6 days a week and have boundless energy…unless I’m sleeping to recover which is quite often… you can see why I’m tired right?

I did in fact get asked if I lived at the gym by a trainer the other day too. I just answered “Pretty much.” I also had another trainer say “You’re here a lot!” to which I could only reply “I need to be” because trust me.. if you’ve ever been as fat as me, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Last night I ended up doing a quick little workout with the woman I mentioned at the start of this post and we did this cool routine that works all the different ab muscles and when you’re through it you’ve just done 120 sit ups/crunches in 2 minutes..with a 7kg weight. Just sayin! I kept up and aside from 1 exercise it was all relatively easy. I now feel like a fit person trapped in a fat body but I’ll get there. Every day’s a new challenge.

So that’s where I’m at. All up I’ve now dropped 32kg. Plenty more to go, ugh.

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The Next 21 Days – Days 19-21

Chavah Kinloch — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 05:32:42 +0000

Loving my hubby’s old GI Joe top.

Oh hell, stuff it. I’ve been a total FAIL at keeping up with my 21 days posts and I’ve only got three days left to write about. It’s not because I’ve been slacking, I promise I haven’t, I just have a very busy schedule at present… although yesterday and today I’ve spent more time online than I have the entire month.

So I’m just going to finish off these final three days in one pop. One post, one ending. I’d like to consider it a happy one.

Over the past *ahem* 21 days (give or take 1o) I lost three and a half inches from my waist (9.5cm) but only 2 cm from my hips. There are an extra 3 cm gone from my arms, 4cms from my calves & 6cm from my thighs. I have no idea if I lost any weight because I still haven’t replaced the battery in my scales. Either way, it doesn’t really matter to me. It’s been a welcomed relief to stay away from the scales.

I officially dropped that extra size I’d been trying to move and that now totals 5 dress sizes gone. I still have three more to go. I have just one more size to drop before I can fit pretty much everything in my wardrobe. There are a few smaller sizes here and there but overall most things will fit. I need to drop that size because then I won’t have to buy anything for winter hehe. I am majorly lacking in bottoms. Who know’s, maybe if I drop that extra size my Nana will stop calling me fat every time I see her. In the past, oh say 15 years, I have only heard her say “Missy, you skinny!” once when I went on holiday to attend one of my BFF’s wedding . In all my othert visits it’s been “Chabbah, you too fat.” Gotta love her honesty.

My arms feel solid and fabulous but they look saggy and wrinkled. I’m happy to accept that this is my fate. There’s not much I can do about that without some type of surgery which I’m not about to have. My body has been through a lot in it’s short years and I know inside that they’ve come a long way. I’ll just keep going till they look as good as they feel. Some day! Just as long as I keep working at it.

What has happened though, over this part of the journey, is body acceptance. I’m actually beginning to love my body, even with all it’s faults. I’ve done amazing things with it, birthed giant babies, recovered from an inability to even sit/stand/walk without crying from that damage that occurred, gained so much muscle I’ve seen my entire body morph.

More than body acceptance I’ve managed to accept the way I choose to live. I’ve had a chance to think about everything that has happened since I gained the weight and realised that throughout all of that I’ve helped my family a lot. I’ve done a lot for myself while juggling their needs. Battled extremely bad lows while holding everything together. It’s meant that sometimes I’ve turned into a recluse when I’m working but I actually really enjoy that part of it. I have come to accept that I’m not the Mum that makes it to every school activity, honestly just because I don’t want to and I’m ok with that. I get more than enough quality time with my kids. I’ve come to understand that just because I do it all from home, doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything so it’s ridiculous to live up to expectations that I’ll make it to every event during the day when you would never expect it from someone that works in an office; and I think I’m going to start saying that. I work damn hard and am tired of feeling belittled because I don’t fit into peoples little boxes.

I simplified everything to lose weight but it did a lot more than that for me. With the help of my extremely dedicated husband we’ve got a system that works well for us. I found my drive for success that had slipped away to allow me to exist in mediocrity and because of that drive in a few short weeks we have come so far both physically and financially. Sacrifices have paid off (that was my FB status the pother day).

I haven’t reached the end of my journey, that’s still a long way off but for now I am satisfied. I’ll update you again sometime soon, not sure when but it’ll come. For now I just want to say thanks for being there and letting me rant, share my small victories and being compassionate and understanding. For some reason people like you are disappearing from our world.

Until next time, keep going and remember:

Yes you are!

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The Next 21 Days – Day 18

Chavah Kinloch — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 02:28:21 +0000

Andrea’s Story

Let me introduce you to Andrea Spinks, talented artist and fellow health and wellness crusader. Andrea’s story is very different to mine, yet there are also quite a few similarities. I think it’s a great way to show that every body is different and what effects one won’t necessarily bother another. Her’s is a great example in why it’s so good to learn about your own body and just what it needs. Read on to hear what has helped Andrea succeed and find her way to a happier, healthier lifestyle.

My journey to me.

I arrived in Auckland from Christchurch, lost and alone, with big hopes for a new direction in my life. The first night, my flatmates welcomed me with a party, where I met my new best friend. The blonde beauty and I clicked instantly, as she devoured the salsa I had made, excited that it fit into her SureSlim eating plan. Inspired, I decided to add good health to my list of goals. Though I didn’t take SureSlim on board, 3 years since that day I find myself 17kg lighter, allergies diagnosed, immunity increased tenfold, and energy through the roof.

As a vegetarian, it was easy to walk away from unhealthy takeaways and follow a fairly healthy diet, but on a fateful day in October ’08 I met my inspirational boyfriend who introduced me to veganism. Now, I’m not here to preach about my morals, however taking dairy out of my diet was like walking out from a dark shadow. As it turns out, I was allergic, along with gluten – and as you may know, an inability to digest these properly leads to lethargy and weight gain.

Diagnosing my allergies gave me energy to embrace my new life, though my efforts hit a brick wall, when I fractured my foot. A year taken out from exercise brought a stop to my journey and the onset of depression after 6 months in a cast. With many misdiagnosis and surgeons that couldn’t string a sentence together – I found the ‘foot doc’ for The Warriors, who finally helped me recover, victory!

My body had found a comfort zone, and the last 6kg just would not move. I felt defeated, until I picked up the controversial book “The 4 hour body”. In a nutshell it’s a fairly basic healthy eating plan that would scare many an omnivore. However the concept wasn’t a world away from my current vegan diet: I added a higher protein breakfast, cancelled most Carbs, switched to red wine, and one glorious day a week is cheat day. After a further 3kg loss, I write with a mere 3kg until my ultimate lifelong goal, that goal never imagined possible. The plan has become habit, and a lifestyle change.

As the end of my journey nears, I sum up my current state as hopeful. The kind of excitable hope a child has at the beginning of primary school, or a teenager who has just received their licence. I’m opened to a new world with fewer inhibitions, enough energy to tackle what life throws my way, and unafraid of whom I am.

I am Andrea, 5’4, 55kgs, new business owner, artist, best friend, soul mate, and success story.

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The Next 21 Days – Days 10-17

Chavah Kinloch — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 00:32:02 +0000

Hello I’m back. Yes I did just take a break right in the middle of this series but I feel so much better for it. So here’s what I’m going to do, one topic for each missed day right here, right now. Let’s do this!

Day 10: Recouperate

If you’re feeling exhausted from your load take a step back. High stress levels and lack of sleep can undo all the work you’ve done. Sometimes rest is exactly what the body needs. As hard as it is to stop, do it because your health depends on it.

Day 11: Focus

When you’re sick like I was last week you find yourself weak and lethargic. When you can’t do your workouts stay focused on your dietary intake. What you put in can help you recover faster and help you stay on top of your goal.

Day 12: Breakfast

We all know the saying ‘Breakfast is the most important meal of the day’ but did you know that you can fatten up your breakfasts? It’s the perfect time to eat a little more. Don’t pile up the bacon but add healthy fats like nuts cheese egg or avocado. Apparently starting off your day eating such things encourages your body to burn more of a variety of fats during the day rather than just carb starting your day which can lead to weight gain.

Day 13: Sodium

Monitor your sodium intake. I come from a culture that loads up on this ingredient, we even have a special dish called salt meat. 1 teaspoon of salt daily is the ideal, thats less than 2,300mg. Try to use reduced-sodium and salt-free canned or frozen products.

Day 14: Music Makes the World Go Round

Sick of your playlist? Switch up your music again. Why not ask your partner or someone who has similar taste in music to you to load your ipod with a new mix. I recently did this then added a few songs of my own and now I can’t get enough of my playlist. I still haven’t heard everything!

Day 15: You’ve Lost Weight, Re-Analyse

What was working for you at the beginning of your journey should no longer work for you now. So much time has passed that it’s time to see what suits now. The smaller you get the more difficult it will be to cut out calories, so don’t be silly and carry on cutting like you could when you first began. Progress will slow down because there is less you can cut out, this is normal. It doesn’t mean it’s impossible, it will just take a little longer.

Day 16: Dining Out

If you find yourself out at a restaurant when it’s not a cheat day look for words like baked, boiled, broiled, grilled, light, poached, fresh and steamed on the menu. I’ve heard of people only eating half the plate at a restaurant and taking the other half home for the next day. If you’re so inclined to do that, go for it but it’s not something I do personally.

Day 17: My gym is closing!

In THREE days. I’m gutted. They’re merging with the big gym in town which is fine for them but I liked the location and layout of the one I’m at now. I went to the ‘new’ gym years ago. I know a lot of people that go to it. I guess I’ll have to be friendly now instead of shutting myself off to just get down to business! That’s part of the reason I didn’t join up there. Oh well. Change can be good.

P.S. I’m fitting so many clothes in my wardrobe again now! *Happy dance*

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The Next 21 Days – Day 9

Chavah Kinloch — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 22:20:51 +0000

I went to weigh in this morning but when I stepped on to see the results the scales wouldn’t work. All I could think was “Really? That bad?” haha. Looks like I need to buy a new battery.

So I figure instead I’ll share my latest vision board. I’m probably a big fan of these because I’m an extremely visual person. This vision board focuses solely on getting in shape. If you look closely you’ll see that I changed the name Ali (old winner of the biggest loser) to Chavah. I love the Dove women and their body confidence, I’ve got a torturous workout photo which is probably my favourite motivator because it reminds me that a little pain now won’t kill me but will bring great results, it’s got quotes like “I’m making myself strong” and “I’m making myself proud” and of course there are images of what I’d like to gain in the long run.

I created mine digitally so if you’re wanting to make one for yourself but don’t have magazines on hand, this is a really simple way to do it.

Happy Friday everyone. Have a wonderful weekend.

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The Next 21 Days – Day 8

Chavah Kinloch — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 03:11:44 +0000

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day everyone!

What I Learn from my Children

I’m one proud mama at the moment. Yesterday I wrote about how inspiring you all are, today I’m writing about my children and the way they motivate me.

My daughter had a school athletics day yesterday, a day late because of the weather. I promised I’d go along with my littlest guy later in the day, to watch my daughter run. So off we went at lunch time and found my newly five year old and his friends to hang out with. The other two popped up every now and again too.

After lunch as I was sitting by the playground watching Boston think he was invincible, my eldest son’s teacher walked past and said “You’ll be a proud Mum today” and handed me a piece of paper. I thought “Oh yay, my daughter made it through to zones” which when I think about it now is a bit weird for me to think seeing as it was my sons teacher but oh well, I have my moments lol. It took a few minutes before I realised that the piece of paper was actually for my son and not my daughter. He was the one off to compete in the zones for athletics. I hear his besties also made it through so they’ll all probably get up to mischief.

A few seconds after that I heard my daughters name get called out for some races about to happen so we moved across to the field to watch them. She did great, she tells me she had a stitch by that point.

When all the races were done, a teacher stood up and called out the names of the children that had made it through to the zones for different categories. I wasn’t sure if my daughter had made it through at this stage, I knew she wanted to (she wrote it on her blog lol) but I didn’t know how it’d turn out.

Then I heard it, I heard her name and I couldn’t help but feel incredibly happy for her. She’d done what she’d set to do. In the past she has made it through to the zones every year but it had never really meant anything to her. This year it was something she really desired.

What shocked me though was not only did I hear her name name once but three times. By this stage I was wishing my husband could be there with me so I could squeeze his hand to show my happiness. It really sucks to be happy and have no one to share it with. Turns out I missed hearing her name called out one other time because out of 6 categories, she had made it through on 4. Long jump, high jump, 60m & 100m sprints. She didn’t make discus or shotput but if you’ve ever seen my daughter, it’s hardly surprising, she’s only tiny.

If that wasn’t enough to make me burst at the seams with pride they also had their one after school activity to get through. Wednesdays are long days, my children play touch rugby during summer. My daughter only started playing a few weeks ago for the first time and has been lacking in confidence because it’s all so new to her. She signed herself up for it though and we’re all about following through on your commitments so she’s currently learning that lesson. I did feel quite bad for Vahnija though, she’d already been on her feet all day. They love their touch games though and after loading them up with afternoon tea and making them rest until the games started they were good to go.

My daughter was a beast during her game! I don’t know what clicked but she was chasing down these boys on the field like a lion would it’s prey. It was awesome. She was awarded player of the day for her efforts which I’m really proud of because she’s come so far in a few short weeks. Next was my sons game. I can’t go into it all but lately there have been big issues with his team and he’s felt like crap after all his games this term. It’s been heartbreaking and frustrating to see him upset because of the actions of adults. They should know better. I admit I let the protective mama-bear instinct in me out one week because of what was going on. Each week we’d have to talk to him about what was right, to ignore the things being done to him and how to carry on next time. I’m so happy to say that yesterday he was back to his old self. He had obviously taken on all the advice given to him and was being who he knew he could be. I was proud of him for believing in himself. It must have been noted because come the end of the match, he was also awarded player of the day.

I know my kids aren’t perfect and I know that I’m not a perfect parent but I am so proud and motivated by these little accomplishments that these tiny wee people are achieving. They have challenges of their own, they have dreams, they set their own goals, they’re living through highs and lows and people who want to put them down but they’re taking it all in their stride and showing me that the negatives won’t stop them. They’re so strong and I love that I’ve had a part to play in that.

I’m going through a stage with my journey where it’s all feeling very real. Getting back into life when you’ve been out of it for years because you’ve been focusing on other things is a difficult task. So much has changed and I have to get used to new people all over again. I’m about ready for a breakdown and it would be so easy to just quit because it’s scary to delve into my own issues but how can I quit when I see my own children facing their fears. I like to believe they’re not the way they are by pure chance. So I won’t be reduced by my fears. I’ll tackle them head on. I’ve achieved great results in the past and I can do it again. These kids are teaching me a lot. Life is changing.

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