Here’s To 2010

Twenty Ten is upon us and until now I haven’t had a proper chance to talk to you all about it. With a new year comes new hope, renewed optimism and an overwhelming urge to do better. It doesn’t take long for these urges to fade and slowly die down with focus and action soon following suit.

Not for me though! I LOVE setting and accomplishing goals. Sometimes to the point where I swear others think I’m nuts. Do I care though? No. I don’t care because I know it works. I know that when you really want something and commit to making it happen. It happens. It doesn’t always happen the way you expected it to happen but it still happens.

This year, I have goals. Well, every year I have goals. I’m sure you do too. Most of these goals can all be related back to something that I personally struggle with. The goals I set for myself make me squirm, they make me uncomfortable. Not because they’re bad but because sometimes they mean doing something that scares me. So this year, for 2010 I am adopting a #themeword (for all you twitterers).

My themeword for 2010 is BRAVE.

I know, it’s not the most spectacular word out there but it is a word that I believe will help me focus and get me through some tough times, some low points that I may stumble across this year.

I’m going to need to be brave when I have to leave my baby. I’m going to need to be brave when I step into the classroom for the first time in 10 years. I’ll need to be brave enough to stop by the gym and shake my toosh before I rush home to see my husband. I need to be brave in my career as an artist. I’ll have to be brave when the day comes that I’ll just want to throw everything in and say “Stuff it!”  I’m sure you know that day. That day has come many times. There have been a lot of times I’ve fought through it and others where I’ve given in. I know that day will come again. No matter how much I don’t want it to, it has a way of showing up. This time though. I’ll be brave enough to face it and  (giggling because the words in my head are totally inappropriate so I’ll use different ones) kick the self doubt to the curb.

To some a themeword may seem kind of silly. That’s ok, if it’s not for you then don’t do it. Just go sit off in your dark corner and scoff. However, this is a method I used when I was dropping nearly half my body weight. It works. Instead of a themeword I had themesongs aka ‘anthems’. My anthems were pieces of music that featured inspirational lyrics that helped keep me motivated when the going got tough.

I had three songs:

Beyonce – Irreplaceable: The sentence – “You must not know about me, you must not know about me.”

This song seems an unlikely choice when you listen to rest of the lyrics, it’s about a boyfriend that cheats on his girlfriend and is told to pack his bags. Those 6 words though, really struck a chord with me. I am an extremely happy and friendly person that can often be misinterpreted as ‘silly’ and ‘weak’ by people that don’t know the real me. I’m telling you now, that is not the case. I’m very strong-willed and I know what I’m doing. I loved this anthem because I felt the lyrics at my core. ‘You must not know about me’ is all I focused on. I was battling insecurities that came from what I can only describe as abandonment. I realised that it was my own insecurities letting these people that didn’t see my full potential, get to me. I figured, “Hey, if you don’t know about me, then it’s about time I showed you.” So I did and now those people respect me because I’ve grown on my own, without their support. This song is probably part of the reason I’m so passionate about blogging.

Fergie – Big Girls Don’t Cry

This entire song was a biggie for me. It talked about personal struggle and needing to break out to basically ‘handle your business’. Anyone that has weight issues, I assure you, has a reason for why they’re keeping the weight on. Most people are not able to acknowledge their issue and therefore will never truly be able to make the necessary changes physically and mentally to drop that extra weight. Want to know mine? I’ve only ever shared it with my husband before. Be warned, it may sound a bit ridiculous. I have more than one issue, the others start from childhood but this one I’m mentioning is strange.

I’m scared to look good. In my pre mummy days, I was a pretty good looking girl. I was never ‘hot’. I went from the ugly duckling to the swan I guess. In fact I still don’t get it but it was to the point where I would walk into a room and guys would instantly come over and start trying to grab me or start chatting me up. I would go on my lunch break and men would follow me, they would offer me money, offer me gifts. Heck, I even had men coming into my workplace just to try and have me touch them (I was a hairdresser, nothing dodgy I swear). Actually, at that job my boss told me he put me on reception to get more clients in because they seemed drawn to me. Every other week I had a new stalker.

Now that I’m a happily married woman and Mother, this freaks me out. It terrifies me even. While I want to look and feel good about myself, remembering all the ogling grosses me out and I don’t want my children to have to be exposed to it. My husbands a big boy, he can deal with it. He used to get cussed out by guys telling him he wasn’t man enough when we were dating. Nice huh? It just makes me extremely uncomfortable and I find that as soon as I’m starting to look as good on the outside as I feel on the inside, I’ll subliminally sabotage myself.

So back to the song. When I listened to this song, it helped me focus on becoming strong both physically and emotionally. I would lift my 10kg dumbells over my head and tell myself that it was ok. Whatever came my way, I could deal with. I really need to get back there.

Mutya Buena – Real Girl

This song I loved. This is the song that kept it all real. My favourite part is:

But I don’t wanna think about what’s gonna come around for me
I’ll just take it day by day ’Cause it’s the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I’m not
You get what you see, when you see what I’ve got
We live in the real world, I’m just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don’t need permission from nobody else
‘Cause this is the real world, I’m not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

I used the songs as my alarm clock and my ringtones, when you call my phone these are the songs you hear. I played them in my car, while I worked out, as I cleaned the house and danced with my children. These songs were thrashed.

But it worked.

So tell me. What’s your 2010 themeword?

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