fat

The Next 21 Days – Days 19-21

by Chavah Kinloch on April 6, 2011

Loving my hubby’s old GI Joe top.

Oh hell, stuff it. I’ve been a total FAIL at keeping up with my 21 days posts and I’ve only got three days left to write about. It’s not because I’ve been slacking, I promise I haven’t, I just have a very busy schedule at present… although yesterday and today I’ve spent more time online than I have the entire month.

So I’m just going to finish off these final three days in one pop. One post, one ending. I’d like to consider it a happy one.

Over the past *ahem* 21 days (give or take 1o) I lost three and a half inches from my waist (9.5cm) but only 2 cm from my hips. There are an extra 3 cm gone from my arms, 4cms from my calves & 6cm from my thighs. I have no idea if I lost any weight because I still haven’t replaced the battery in my scales.  Either way, it doesn’t really matter to me. It’s been a welcomed relief to stay away from the scales.

I officially dropped that extra size I’d been trying to move and that now totals 5 dress sizes gone. I still have three more to go. I have just one more size to drop before I can fit pretty much everything in my wardrobe. There are a few smaller sizes here and there but overall most things will fit. I need to drop that size because then I won’t have to buy anything for winter hehe. I am majorly lacking in bottoms. Who know’s, maybe if I drop that extra size my Nana will stop calling me fat every time I see her. In the past, oh say 15 years, I have only heard her say “Missy, you skinny!” once when I went on holiday to attend one of my BFF’s wedding . In all my othert visits it’s been “Chabbah, you too fat.” Gotta love her honesty.

My arms feel solid and fabulous but they look saggy and wrinkled. I’m happy to accept that this is my fate. There’s not much I can do about that without some type of surgery which I’m not about to have. My body has been through a lot in it’s short years and I know inside that they’ve come a long way. I’ll just keep going till they look as good as they feel. Some day! Just as long as I keep working at it.

What has happened though, over this part of the journey, is body acceptance. I’m actually beginning to love my body, even with all it’s faults. I’ve done amazing things with it, birthed giant babies, recovered from an inability to even sit/stand/walk without crying from that damage that occurred, gained so much muscle I’ve seen my entire body morph.

More than body acceptance I’ve managed to accept the way I choose to live. I’ve had a chance to think about everything that has happened since I gained the weight and realised that throughout all of that I’ve helped my family a lot. I’ve done a lot for myself while juggling their needs. Battled extremely bad lows while holding everything together. It’s meant that sometimes I’ve turned into a recluse when I’m working but I actually really enjoy that part of it. I have come to accept that I’m not the Mum that makes it to every school activity, honestly just because I don’t want to and I’m ok with that. I get more than enough quality time with my kids. I’ve come to understand that just because I do it all from home, doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything so it’s ridiculous to live up to expectations that I’ll make it to every event during the day when you would never expect it from someone that works in an office; and I think I’m going to start saying that. I work damn hard and am tired of feeling belittled because I don’t fit into peoples little boxes.

I simplified everything to lose weight but it did a lot more than that for me. With the help of my extremely dedicated husband we’ve got a system that works well for us. I found my drive for success that had slipped away to allow me to exist in mediocrity and because of that drive in a few short weeks we have come so far both physically and financially. Sacrifices have paid off (that was my FB status the pother day).

I haven’t reached the end of my journey, that’s still a long way off but for now I am satisfied. I’ll update you again sometime soon, not sure when but it’ll come. For now I just want to say thanks for being there and letting me rant, share my small victories and being compassionate and understanding. For some reason people like you are disappearing from our world.

Until next time, keep going and remember:


Yes you are!

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The Next 21 Days – Day 9

by Chavah Kinloch on March 18, 2011

I went to weigh in this morning but when I stepped on to see the results the scales wouldn’t work. All I could think was “Really? That bad?” haha. Looks like I need to buy a new battery.

So I figure instead I’ll share my latest vision board. I’m probably a big fan of these because I’m an extremely visual person. This vision board focuses solely on getting in shape. If you look closely you’ll see that I changed the name Ali (old winner of the biggest loser) to Chavah. I love the Dove women and their body confidence, I’ve got a torturous workout photo which is probably my favourite motivator because it reminds me that a little pain now won’t kill me but will bring great results, it’s got quotes like “I’m making myself strong” and “I’m making myself proud” and of course there are images of what I’d like to gain in the long run.

I created mine digitally so if you’re wanting to make one for yourself but don’t have magazines on hand, this is a really simple way to do it.

Happy Friday everyone. Have a wonderful weekend.

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The Next 21 Days – Day 6

by Chavah Kinloch on March 14, 2011

This is my thinking face. Awkward huh. :/ I had to use it for this question.

“What is the most rewarding part of your workouts?”

This was a question asked of me by my friend and loyal reader, Lisa. I think it’s a great question. I’ve pondered over it a few times but I don’t know if I can pinpoint just one thing. I sit and I start to go, “Oh it’s this!” then in another quiet moment I think “Oh no, it’s gotta be this”. So seeing as I can’t seem to single out just one thing, I think I’ll make a list of the most rewarding parts of my workouts.

Number One: The natural high. I don’t dislike working out. The part I do dislike is when life is going on and I have to stop. I have to separate myself from my husband and kids and I have to go enforce that physical labour. That is honest to goodness the hardest part of a gym workout lol. Once I’m there, I’m good to go, it’s just getting myself there can can be a struggle some days. Truth is, I really enjoy working out, even when it’s painful. The pain means I’ve done something and it feels a heck of a lot better than sitting on my butt feeling sorry for myself because I’m fat. I know which pain I prefer. Eventually the endorphins kick in and there is no pain left, just a really relaxed feeling and then comes a surge of energy you never even knew you had within you. That surge… that’s definitely my favourite part of a workout. Does that make it rewarding? I’m not sure.

Number Two: The instant physical changes. You can’t work out once and expect to have reshaped your body but once your body is used to the stress on it’s muscles, immediately after each and every workout your muscles will look more defined, your posture will improve and you feel physically more able. Win! That’s pretty rewarding if you ask me.

Number Three: Shopping. Or maybe that should be window shopping lol. I keep finding myself in town with a lot of time to kill so I’ve tried on a tonne of clothes. I basically have a long list of items from each store that would look great paired together now. The fact that I can shop off the racks again and not get looked at sideways by shop assistants is very rewarding.

Number Four: I can look in the mirror. My home is packed full of mirrors of all sizes. Looking in them became a struggle because I literally did not recognise the person looking back at me. Now I’m beginning to see myself again which has a big impact mentally, which then has a roll on effect physically in the way I can present myself. It’s always easier to look in a mirror after a workout. To feel good about myself is rewarding.

Number Five: I’m rarely out of breath. Now lets not forget, I was/am in clinical terms ‘morbidly obese’. Not fat as in oh I got a little pudgy but fat as in if I lived till I was 60 it’d be a miracle. I remember watching a documentary once and seeing a mortician cut open a large mans body (random side note that includes a creepy story, don’t you love my blog).  Anyway, when the body was cut open all I could see was yellow, the yellow was fat. I knew it wasn’t normal. The mortician made mention of how it made the job more difficult. Over the years I’ve watched many other documentaries with Doctors talking about the fat around a heart making it more difficult for the heart to function, leading to heart failure. In the back of my mind, anytime I hear that I always have this image of that dead body. When I’m fitting in my 4,000 steps in half an hour I’m thinking about my breathing. I’m feeling my heart rate go up, blood pumping through my veins and my lungs functioning properly. I’m thinking about how grateful I am that I can still get rid of that yellow on my body and not make someones job difficult. I’m thinking that if I just keep going I’m giving myself a chance to live a longer life. I’m remembering how puffed I used to get just taking a shower. Knowing the difference in my abilities between then and now, is definitely rewarding. The fact that those differences mean I get more time with my loved ones – that’s the most rewarding thing of all.

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The Next 21 Days – Day 1

by Chavah Kinloch on March 2, 2011

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

So this is where I’m starting this round of 21 days. Yesterday I mentioned I had a session with a trainer. That session was to get me out of my comfort zone. I have enough knowledge to come up with programs of my own but I wanted something designed to push me and I didn’t feel as though at this point in time I was going to put myself in a situation I didn’t want to be in, so I made someone else do it instead. Seems logical to me. I arranged to have a new program designed that was quick and would make me sweat from head to toe; and that’s what I got. At this stage I’m kind of intimidated by it but seeing as I’ve lived through it once, all should be well. It reminds me of kick boxing training actually, very high intensity which makes me want to pass out just thinking about it. It makes it even more obvious to me that I need to do this because I’m more than capable, I’m just allowing myself to be lazy.

It wasn’t all bad, a few cool things came out of it. First of all I overcame my fear of jumping. Yep, a fear of jumping. Since hurting my pelvis I’ve been really cautious about what I jump on/off. You would be too if you’d torn your insides! I’ve talked about it before though, that sometimes mentally it’s harder to overcome an injury than it is physically. I’ve jumped off my deck a few times to play with my kids and skipped with my daughters skipping rope a handful of times but I’ve been too scared to get both feet up in the air and really leap. After all, fat people don’t jump, we don’t really have a need to lol. The fear is probably more one of falling or landing badly and breaking something, than jumping itself. Seeing as I hate to show fear in front of other people, when she put me on the spot to leap over some wooden boxes you’re damn right I jumped…and I survived…and I’ll be jumping every day from now on.

Second, the trainer looked me right in the eye and stated “You’re really strong” then proceeded to load me up on weights for my arms. I’ll take that as a compliment.

Third, as I was doing this exercise (but my arm is on a bench and I lower my side/bring it up again – the one below is how I do it at home)

she made comment that I made it look easy and that she’d had women the same size as her (tiny) come in who were completely incapable of doing even one which meant their core muscles were basically non existent, to which I couldn’t help but reply “So not bad for a fat chick then huh.”

There we have it, I’m pushing past fears and getting rid of ‘fat girl’ stereotypes. Feeling good about it, at least I’m doing something! I won’t be the big girl forever.

So remember everyone, don’t be intimidated, don’t stop yourself short or your goals because it’s getting difficult. “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

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21 Days Is Coming Back

by Chavah Kinloch on March 1, 2011

It starts right here again tomorrow. I figure enough time has passed and I’ve managed to stay on track but now I’m ready to fine tune everything again. My abilities have changed, I’ve learned more about my own circumstance and know which areas I need to focus. I don’t know what to expect this time around, just as I didn’t know what would happen the last but I’ll just do what I did during the first 21 days and take it one day at a time.

For those that have no idea what I’m talking about by 21 Days, you can check out this roundup post, it will explain everything.

To refresh your memories, the reason I choose 21 days is because that’s how long it takes to develop a habit. It’s not an impossible task to stick to anything for that amount of time. So if you’d like to come along for this journey too, you’re more than welcome. Nothing I’ve done/I do is overly difficult, it’s just about not calling it quits when you feel completely over putting in all the effort it takes.

Let me reiterate; my aim is not to be thin, nor is it even to be what is ‘medically recommended for my height’ which would be around 50kg. Can I state that my eight year old daughter has friends that are 50kgs… happy, healthy little girls. I’m telling you now, I’m not interested in that. The last time I was 50kg I would have been about 10, that’s obviously not me. It looks great on a lot women but I’m not one of them. When I met my husband I sat between a healthy 58-64kg and my body was great, when I was 7 months pregnant with my daughter I hit 80kg and thought the world was going to end, now seeing as I’ve had four gigantor children and could sit on a heavyweight boxer and crush him, well, lets just say I’ll take whatever I can get. So long as I can wear whatever the heck I want and feel good about my body, it’s a win. I’m sculpting what I’ve been given, not trying to live out a ridiculous fantasy of becoming a 5′ 9″ supermodel with legs from here to Africa, although if by some miracle losing weight made me grow 5 & 1/2 inches I’d learn to love it. If you want to be completely up to date with my journey so far, you can check out my latest weight loss post here.

So here we go, the posts start all over again tomorrow with ‘The Next 21 Days – Day 1′.

As for today, I’ve got a personal training session booked (free with my gym membership) and a date with my hubby for some yoga.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

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Weigh In Progress – Photo Update

Here’s my first update for the month. I originally just forgot to take my measurements the first week since my last weight loss related update, so then figured I would update the next week. That week came and I did weigh in and take measurements but was having a really busy week so didn’t get [...]

Weigh In Day

I did it! I made the scales drop again. Juts a pity about my crappy measurements. The body works in mysterious ways. I’ll take a 1.6kg drop though. That’s 3kg in 3 weeks. Woo hoo! Not that I’m unhappy about dropping well on my measurements for weeks on end. On the weeks those scales have [...]

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