Lifeisms

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Where Oh Where Has She Been?

by Chavah Kinloch on July 15, 2011

I probably shouldn’t be writing at 12:40am, I should be resting my eyes like the rest of the normal world would be but for some reason tonight I’m feeling ranty so lets get to it.

I thought I might take a moment to enlighten everyone on what I’m doing right now. For 2011 I’ve done nothing to bring in any income. Yep, nothing. On purpose. Even the projects I’ve worked on art-wise have been purely to satisfy my creative urges.

Did you know that for six years straight I set goal after goal and worked day and night to reach them? Yep I did. If you’re one of my regular readers you’d definitely know this. If not well..now you know.

And then I got tired.

So, I’ve been doing nothing.

I’ve still been having ideas. Crap loads of them. That’s not something I can just shut off. You should see all the plans I have in different folders. There’s one for something called Charli Valentina, another for a place called Toasted, there’s a travel plan, a 5 year financial plan, blog re-design/growth plans, plans for exhibitions and three more ideas that I don’t really even know how to put into words without giving too much away to cyberspace.

The bad thing is they all make so much sense. It seems I’m actually very detail oriented. Ask anyone close to me and they’ll tell you that if you need something done, ask me to do it because I won’t stop until I see a project all the way through from beginning to end and every single detail in between. For some reason people always seem shocked to learn this. Really? Am I that laid back in person? Most likely; I’m not intrusive like most type A personality types would be.

The worse thing is I really don’t give a stuff about doing any of it right now because I’m too happy just being Mum.

Do you remember at the beginning of last year when I went through that turmoil of whether or not to go study or stay at home and continue being a full time SAHM? Sooo much of me wanted to go study to get a move on with the next stage of life but I had some amazing words of wisdom sent through to me from Mothers that have been there, done that  (you know who you are, thank you) and the overwhelming response I got pointed out that these years would pass very quickly. Oh how right they were. It’s not that I haven’t experienced these years before a child starts school before, but at the time, I had forgotten just how much I love these years. My time at home with my littlest guy (and then the big ones when they arrive home) is just the best. Yes I could be doing more but right now I’m satisfied that investing all my time playing with playdough, doing endless loads of laundry and vacuuming the house multiples times a day is exactly what I need to be doing with my life at this very moment. The pay is rubbish but the kisses make up for it.

Taking this time off has really helped me learn how to relax again. I’m actually a really fun person, I’d forgotten that. I’ve relearned how to get time out for myself which is probably the best thing to come out from this break. I’m really happy about this. My one new years resolution was to have more fun and I have been!

My schedule of nothing is about to expire shortly but just for a moment and it’s something I’m quite excited about. I have one painting in the works that is due to head up to Auckland next month, I’ll have more on that for you at a later date.

For now though, I’m spending weekends at rugby games and weekdays picking up bits of food from the floor… and I find it wonderful.

Look at those smiling faces. Being their Mum is definitely the best job in the world.

{ 4 comments }

Thanks For Making Me Feel Bad, David Dallas

by Chavah Kinloch on November 30, 2010

I’m going to let you in on one of my bad habits. Each day when I sit to write a new post on my blog, I go to my ‘draft posts’ page and look through the list then close it. I have plenty of inspirational posts just sitting there…waiting for the right time for me to push that publish button and share my wonderments with the world. But more often than not, I don’t. I leave it alone for another time, another day, when maybe that gut feeling will kick in and let me know that now is the right time to share that tip, that photo, that laugh, those words of advice that I learned along the way…

Today I drew a blank.

I didn’t know what I was going to share with everyone, so I went to the gym and did my workout, crossing my fingers that inspiration would strike while the sweat ran down my brow.

Well, it didn’t.

I hopped in the car to come home and David Dallas’ – Slow Down song came on. I’d like to share the song with you but it’s not available for download anymore but you can find it on his Something Awesome album. Trust me, you’ll love it. I feel like a bit of a groupie talking about David but this guy has so much talent and I don’t think I’m biased. The song hit a chord today, not that it hasn’t before but today I was just very aware of it. The chorus goes:

Damn, so you’re on your own feelin’ low now
Steady tryna break free but don’t know how
Things ain’t happenin’ at the speed that you want them
Guess it’s life tryna teach you to slow down

I heard the song and realised what was bugging me. Christmas is always hard for me. We live away from our families and every Christmas my family all get together and have the most amazing fun time. My grandfather passed away 7 years ago now, on Christmas eve; and ever since, we have gotten together on that day and made a huge family celebration out of it. It’s just a time where we treat the many, many children in our ever growing family, celebrate Christmas and laugh our sorrows away. Then I remember the Christmas lunches we used to have with my husbands family, who I absolutely adore. It gets really hard for me to be away from everyone at this time of year.

Anyway, the song just brought up a lot of things that I’ve felt/thought in my own life.  He talks about life as an artist (musician) and how he gave up his degree and the prospect of making large figures to do what he loves. Looking outside and seeing a bright world but wanting to curl up in bed some days because of the suffocating feeling that can overcome a person as they fight the uphill battle of living your dreams. Yeah, to say it hit home is a bit of an understatement.

People ALWAYS ask me why our family moved to Invercargill. For those that don’t know, where we live is often the butt of all NZ jokes. So here’s how it is:

When we lived in Auckland we had two children and a mortgage that was eating us alive. We were just kids trying to find our way, everybody’s been there (or is there or will be there one day). My husband had a fantastic job that paid plenty of money but the very nature of his job meant that me and the kids rarely saw him. He had to leave before the rest of the house woke up and didn’t get home until it was dark outside. I had to keep the children up late to eat dinner with him so we could spend our daily ONE HOUR together as a family. He was always the one to put them to bed because it was the only chance he got to be with them. His job meant he was on call all the time and there were plenty of weekends we had to drop our plans because he got called in to work. I love him for all that he did but we both knew we were in a bad place in every which way.

It wasn’t working for us. It’s not the life we wanted to share together. Life in big city NZ is very different to life in a small town NZ.  I’m not saying it’s better or worse because I love them both, just different. To see our family we’d drive 45mins-2hours…depending on the traffic…we lived in the same city. So we barely saw anyone anyway. When we were presented with a way to leave, we did a lot of talking and we took the opportunity. It was the right thing for us to do at that time of our lives.

Wow, look at that, I managed to sum it up in 2 paragraphs. Back to the point:

We moved our family to Invercargill so that we could BE a family.

We had goals. We craved a new adventure. We were excited for change.

It meant sacrificing money, our friends that we’ve had since primary school and the families that were just getting to know us. Little luxuries like malls and markets. Foreign foods and babysitters. Hip hop gigs and our Auckland accents.

In every way it’s been worth it, well actually, we really hate when our accent slips. We have achieved so much more than we ever knew we could have if we had stayed living the life we were but every now and again I’ll have a day where I question myself.

That time usually comes around right about now.

I miss my cousins, I miss laughing so hard with my girlfriends hard that I think I’m going to die. I miss taking my kids to the mall ‘just because’ on a cold, wet day. I miss the many large cultural events that meant the whole city was at gridlock and you were stuck in your car, melting as you soaked in the suns rays that were beaming down on you so instead you just blasted your stereo and sang your lungs out while you waited. I miss watching my friends perform and celebrating their success with them! I miss ridiculous things like ‘oh sorry we’ve run out of them’… that’s usually where the conversation stops when you live in a small town but in a city they type things into their little computer system and then tell me which store has one in stock and ask me if I want them to deliver it to this store or if I want to go to the other store myself to pick it up because they’ve set it aside for me.

We never moved here with the intention of staying forever, it’s now been 5 1/2 years and I’ve been able to replace some things.. like I have fabulous new friends, who haven’t actually replaced anyone, just slipped right on into the extra spaces I have to fill and we’ve been out as a couple twice now because we found a babysitter we can trust. But here’s where the song comes in to play and why it got to me today.

Things ain’t happenin’ at the speed that you want them.

A lot has changed in 5 1/2 years. Just go here to see what I mean. Think of your own life and the differences in life for yourself. We evolve as people and our needs and desires change. For me, time has passed really quickly. My husband and I have always agreed that we don’t intend to raise teenagers down here but we’ve become comfortable. Our life is great here. But we now have an almost 9 year old and that means those teen years are sneaking up on us. How did this happen? We have four years left to figure out the bigger picture. We know what we want but have no idea how to get it. Well, we have some idea. We do have a plan, we’re planners… A lot of the plan falls on my head. ME. I feel totally unqualified for this role and some days I’m the one that wants to crawl into a hole to hide until I’m ready but I know from experience that plan doesn’t work.

The other week  I found myself  really frustrated and asked my husband “Why do I want so much? We already have so much, why is it not enough? I don’t know how to stop. I don’t think it’s in me to stop! Should I stop? Do I need to stop?”

I rarely talk about work in real life (I think I share more than enough on my blog) but I spend a lot of long hours working and it’s great for me personally and the family but I constantly have to re evaluate the path I’m on. Am I happy, is it bringing in the desired results, is our family/fun/work schedule in balance?

It’s not even that I want more ‘stuff’, I’d happily sell everything we own, and take the money to create experiences for myself, Andrew and the children, and quite frankly, don’t be surprised when the day comes that I actually do that. I just want more for everyone in general and can’t comprehend when somebody doesn’t want more from themselves. I never pushed myself until I reached about 20. I sailed along acing almost everything that came my way without even trying, you can call it lucky, I call it lazy. So for me it’s a very personal challenge to actually try when something new presents itself. I try to be sympathetic to those that don’t think the same way I do but those friendships always end for me. When you expect more of yourself, you will get more! YOU will find a way to make it possible, even if it means pulling out a sledge hammer and breaking in your own path. So then I’m back at my dilemma.

Things ain’t happenin’ at the speed that you want them.

I want to be where my mind is already. But I’m not, and I know it’s completely inconceivable to be in the position my mind is in any time soon. There are lots of little paths to go down first with plenty of unexpected bumps (I’m sure) that will come along the way.

But I’ll get there… and then I’ll go home.

We’ll all celebrate Christmas together again as a huge family and I’ll be satisfied. I’ll know that Andrew and I worked hard to get ourselves the life we desired. We’ll have gained more knowledge and know how and I guarantee I’ll even be at my dream size. Things aren’t happening at the speed that I want them… but nothing ever does and I’ve still come out alright.

It seems David Dallas is right:

Guess it’s life tryna teach you to slow down.

{ 6 comments }

How Do You Make Decisions?

by Chavah Kinloch on July 27, 2010

It’s obvious we’re all different. Through upbringings in different countries, even cities; our incomes, shoe sizes, hair colour, dress sense; all sorts of different reasons attribute to our differences. However, there’s something every single human being on this planet has to do in life. Some do it more than others, sometimes we have to do it for others and some will encounter much harder ones than I can even begin to understand.

We have to make decisions.

As a parent, one of my main teachings to my children is that life is all about choices, so right from the start I have been trying to allow them to gain experience and understanding on how the choices we make will impact our lives for the good or bad. In fact this has been our main focus the past month as one of our children is struggling with this quite a bit. Sometimes what feels like a good decision turns out to be a terrible choice, for whatever reason and sometimes that extremely hard choice turns out to be the best darn decision we make for years to come.

Either way, it’s something we have to do.

If we were to sit down and calculate just how many decisions one has to make in a day I bet we would end up in the thousands, probably tens-hundreds of thousands; from what time we wake up, to which position we fall asleep in, in bed.

The hard thing is though, making a decision that will impact on our ever convenient day-to-day routines.

You know what I mean. The ones that make us sweat and make us extremely uncomfortable, sometimes causing extreme stress, making our entire demeanor change overnight.

There comes a point in life, usually somewhere in our teens or early twenties where we step up and make that first adult decision. For some that may be whether to go to University, move across country, go on an OE, get married, take that job offer etc. The great thing about stepping up is that the more you do it, the easier it becomes. It’s absolutely terrifying at first but there’s a sickening rush you get from knowing that whether right or wrong, you made the choice and everything that comes from it is because you made a decision.

I love the quote taken from 1 Corinthians 13:11

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Making good decisions really is the trait of any inspiring adult.

My adult decision making kicked in quite early, I had a very short childhood. Making the right choices came easy for most of my life but there was a short while where this wasn’t the case. Maybe it is because my time came so early, my mind was still very young in it’s way of thinking.

Nowadays though, I’m the kind of person that thrives on a tough decision. I love the challenge it brings and get very excited that something new could be coming my way.

What keeps my life interesting is that my husband and I are totally different when it comes to making decisions. Well, at first we were…

It’s no secret that I’m the creative type I’ve always been very in touch with feelings (even if I don’t cry!) and answers for difficult choices have often been dreamed about. If something was right, my body would get so completely overwhelmed it would shake almost uncontrollably. It sounds a bit weird but it’s never steered me wrong.

My husband on the other hand is all logic. If numbers and time lines, paperwork, facts and studies all make sense, then he’ll consider that something could be a good decision.

Over the years we’ve blended well together, I’ve mellowed him out and taught him about gut instinct and he’s made me much more analytical. Maybe too much because some days it feels as though I’m doing all the logical thinking and filling him in with all the details hehe. He’s definitely been a good influence.

So how do we make our decisions? I say we because remember, I’m one in a partnership of two. Every big decision I make impacts five other people.

  • We bring up whatever it is we’re contemplating.
  • We thrash the topic.
  • We both share our views, whether we agree with each other or not, everything is openly talked about, no feelings are hurt.
  • We come to a conclusion on what it is we want based on what is best for the particular circumstance.
  • We pause and wait for the instinctual feeling that this decision is right.
  • We create a new goal.
  • We break up the goal into simple little steps.
  • We get to work on the steps.
  • We then review every week/fortnight/month/year. Whatever is necessary.
  • We alter steps if need be.
  • We continue as before until goal is reached.

Now, although this sounds as though it’s only used on lifestyle/financial decisions, we do similar things when it comes to parenting decisions. Although the parenting sessions are much more relaxed because we’re usually on the exact same page.

This method has helped us many times. It’s how we made $30,000 in one weekend. It’s how we close to doubled our income in one year without me leaving home. It’s how we got noticed by one of the major banks in NZ and got our budgeting scheme taken nationwide.

What was one of your biggest decisions in life so far? How did it work out?

How do you make your decisions? Are you practical, emotional or a great combination of the both?

Do you have a big decision weighing on your mind right now?

{ 11 comments }

How I Spent My Birthday: A Day in the Life of Me

by Chavah Kinloch on June 12, 2010

So I’m officially 26 today! I’ve had a great day. I haven’t done anything exciting, it’s just another regular day but I have to say; the birthday wishes that have rolled in all day have totally made my day.

The day started early. We headed out to treat the kids to McDonald’s for breakfast. Totally unhealthy, I know, but they loved it. The day actually started with all of us sitting in the car in the dark, waiting for the AA guy to jumpstart the car because the kids left the lights on last night, even though I specifically said to them last night TWICE to make sure the light was switched off. Hmmm… no ears much?

We headed straight to kindergarten and school after breakfast. Davis took his Rugby trohpy with him to show the other kids, he was player of the day on Saturday. His face was so cute when it was announced. He’s learning how to write his name. This is big stuff!

Boston and I headed home. He played with my presents; a huuuge canvas, some much needed paint and some perfume I’ve been asking for for the past 2 years. Woo hoo! Well done to my hubby. Then we chilled and watched The Biggest Loser, our morning show lol and the little guy headed for his first nap.

While he sleeps I usually tidy up. Mornings cause chaos in our house.

Then it was time for a friend to pop by and drop his car off for the weekend. He’s off to help out his pregnant sister. We drop him off at the airport and run a few other errands. We head back home because I forgot something and stop by the video store to drop off our overdue DVD’s. Oops. We arrive home to notice a courier card on the doorstep. We JUST missed him, he drove past us. Totally bummed. We pick up our gear again and grab the ticket to collect the parcel while we’re out but first stop at the bank. Only in country towns will you find muddy gumboots greeting you at the door to your bank hehe. Next we head to the courier place. The WRONG courier place…Please note: READ your courier call cards lol. Head over to the right place and they can’t locate the item…awesome. I leave my number and they call me later in the day when I’m too busy to come back. Last stop is at the dairy. I really wanted a drink with some flavour. Davis and I are sick :(

Home again, time to let the little guy cause some damage while I do some laundry. Unload the dryer, load the dryer, load the washing machine and fold a few batches of laundry already cleaned and waiting for me to give a damn. I don’t mind though, they’re just towels and blankets. I have to fold the towels. I’m slowly teaching everyone in the house how to fold them to keep their uptight Mother/Wife happy. They just leave it to me though, I asked for it right? After they’re put away the little guy is still happy so I begin sketching on my new huge canvas.

I take a few breaks and put some music on for Boston and I to dance to. He looooves dancing. It also works great to help with the creative flow.

Time for lunch! Not before I change a stank as nappy. Boston and I switch on Rachael Ray on Freeview channel 8. I love channel 8; everything’s on an hour later. I also finally turn my phone on to check the text messages I’ve had come through for my birthday. Spend a couple of minutes replying. Love you guys!

Boston goes down for his afternoon nap. I can’t believe how good he’s being, he’s fought his naptime for the past month. I take advantage of the quiet time and get back to sketching.

Davis finishes kindy and is home again. He’s looking pretty tired so I put on Kidzone and he watches the Wiggles. Boston wakes up and needs cuddles so we all hang out together. Usually the boys like to share their afternoon tea together but today they settle for pretending to type on the spare keyboard. They’re happy so I carry on creating until the last two arrive home from school.

Now it’s chaos time. First we all have afternoon tea together then out comes the paper, the pens, the toys, the leftover lunches, the shoes get kicked off and crumbs nestle into the carpet. No homework today though, thankfully, seeing as it’s Friday. Instead the kids relax watching T.V. while catching me up on their adventures for the day. Then everyone settles into their own little hobby. Drawing, exerting energy outside while the sun’s still out, playing with their latest creation; binoculars in this case. Davis comes over and we talk while he watches me paint for a little while. He’s looking really tired now so I suggest he goes and rests, he replies “No, I’m watching.”. I later find him crashed out on the beanbag. Almost everyone that visits has fallen asleep on there. Vahnija shows me her new ‘magic trick’. I explain to her about friction and static electricity. She asks me questions I can’t answer, as usual.

I’m back at my easel, determined to get this base coat completely done. All the kids are back inside now, it suddenly started raining. Andrew arrives home not long after and has shown up with groceries for his birthday dinner he was planning for me. I carry on painting while the kids jump around the living room. Davis sleeps right through it all. Dinner finishes cooking. I finish painting at the same time. Feeling pretty pleased with myself.

Dinner was pesto and cream cheese stuffed chicken with baby carrots and garlic and black pepper mash. He served up way too much, I’m sure it’ll make a great lunch tomorrow. Now it’s bedtime, the kids get themselves ready and we have a few little talks before we exchange our routine big kisses, cuddles and I love you’s. They head off. I do more laundry. I’ve almost managed to restock the linen cupboard again. There’s still another load waiting for me. Joy.

I walk back in to the living room. Wow. Really? One more clean up and I call it a night. I ask Andrew to shake out the rug so I can vacuum. Somehow I get lucky and he ends up vacuuming. I don’t complain.

Then I blog.

And now I’m tired. I hope you enjoyed your day as much as I did. Told you I didn’t do anything special but I really did enjoy myself doing it.

{ 18 comments }

Back to Reality

by Chavah Kinloch on April 6, 2010

Oooo weeeee. So how was your Easter? I think I’m more tired now than I was before the break!

We’ve been working on Boston’s room and will continue to do so every day till we’re done. We’re ALMOST ready to move on from stripping those 7 layers of wallpaper…so close, so soooo close. I never want to strip wallpaper again!

My time with the family has been great and I’m sad my husband has to head back to work tomorrow. Such is life though! For now :)

I’ve got a busy week, there are a few exhibitions lined up for this month and next so I’m finding my way through paperwork, finalising details and of course preparing new work! There are also a few loose ends to tie up for the last show (NZ’s Got Talent) that I’ll be sorting out the next couple of days.  I got to work with such amazing artists in the NZ’s Got Talent Exhibition. I’m excited to work with some more, next weekend at the Art Lovers Luncheon! Really wishing I had a babysitter right about now though. Hubby and I could do with a really long sleep in.

I completed a new painting today, so here’s the exclusive preview. I’m looking for a name for it so if you have any suggestions, feel free to let me know.

Close Up – Detail

Title: (Yet to be named)
Artist: Chavah Kinloch
Size: 60cm x 60cm
Price: $600
Enquiries: chavah@chavahkinloch.com

{ 6 comments }

The Tender Art of Love

Have you ever felt that heavenly love, the kind that brings tears to your eyes? Have you ever had such strong emotions, you dreaded to say goodbye? Have you ever had that moment, where you knew you’d found the one? Have you ever found that place in life, where you finally knew you belonged? I’ve [...]

New Piece

This was inspired by some pieces by an unknown artist(to me anyway). I saw their work in a magazine and just loved them, then felt inspired to create my own using experiences from my past. I plan on doing more using little stories from my life. Here is the story behind this one: He (my [...]